Hi, I'm Perfect

2006-09-04T17:26:00.000-06:00

Changing your hair is risky business. Watching as you put your life in someone else’s hands is quite possibly the scariest thing to watch, especially through a mirror with surrounding halogen light bulbs. You can’t really ask if your hairdresser knows what he/she is doing because that’s kind of like an insult and they are, after all, the ones with the scissors. All you can do is helplessly watch passively as chunks of your hair fall to the ground. The problem I find is that after your hairdresser washes your hair and you tell them how short you want your hair cut, the length of your wet hair becomes distorted. Your haircut usually turns out an inch or two shorter than what you expected and, if lucky, it doesn’t turn out too bad. Even scarier is taking the chance to dye your hair because pick ONE shade off and you look like a disaster. Hairdressers play tricks with you when they have all those hair magazines lying around because you become enamored with how good looking the models are with their hair and think that if you get your hair styled the same way, you’ll look just as good. Maybe that’s just me, but I fell victim to it. So for future haircuts, caveat emptor…in a way.

2006-07-10T03:17:00.000-06:00

Airplanes really try to degrade you and lower your self-esteem. Naturally, one would think it most logical to board a plane from the back-forward. However, of the six planes i've been on in the past 2 weeks, all the planes seem to board from the front-backward, which causes a lot of traffic among people trying to put their luggage in the overhead compartment or getting to their seats. The first class/executive class/business class/the people who get really comfortable seats class are always seated in the front of the plane, so naturally, they get to board first. However, think of how that affects the regular passengers in the main cabin; watching the first class passengers watch them board-you wonder what goes on in their minds. Maybe something like, "if you had worked a little harder, i wouldnt be here watching you." I guess maybe the airline thinks it's motivational or soemthing. Like, if you see all the first class citizens judging you, you'll be pushed to work harder so that one day, you can board the plane first, sit in a comfortable seat with lots of leg room, and watch the other passengers board. Oh, airplane, what an inspiration you are for me to work hard.

2006-06-04T14:37:00.000-06:00

Socks seem to be the most annoying type of apparel around. They are so easy to forget about, yet, they are very essential to the everyday outfit. Wearing sneakers without socks is a calamitous disaster, you might as well dump your shoes in toxic waste if you're going to go sockless in shoes. Socks are also nettling because you have to pair them. At first, if you think you can replace a lost sock with another, think again, because soon afterwards, your entire sock collection is depleted. However, it's so difficult not to lose socks. They're so tiny that they burrow in corners of a room, behind shelves, underneath beds, between the crack of the bed and well. Laundry is a burden as well. Every other type of clothing that you fold is singular and easy to handle because you don't need to worry about finding another pair. Socks, on the other hand, you have to dig and rip through the pile to find the other pair. Then when you carry the laundry to your room, socks disturb the balance of laundry. Everything else is neatly piled on top of one of another, but socks are an awkward shape and ruin the equilibrium of all the other clothing. Socks, who knew something so little could be such a burden.

2006-05-21T09:52:00.000-06:00

It’s funny, yet tormenting at the same time knowing the great impact one simple decision could have made. Perhaps pain is a paradox? According to the movie, Mystic River, Hitler’s mother almost had an abortion. Contemplate the great difference that could have made on world history. It’s torturous thinking of what could have been and then comparing it to the present situation. One simple decision could mean the difference of life and death. Perhaps the ramifications are not so drastic in most real world situations, but the point is made clear that one choice could mean all the difference. One simple decision that would not have taken much more effort to make than the decision that you had made could have altered everything for the better. After reading John Milton’s Paradise Lost and writing a five million page essay on it, you begin to wonder what God was thinking when he gave humans free will. Had he not given Adam and Eve free will, humankind would not be doomed and theologically speaking, we would all live in the perfection of Paradise. I wish that turning back the hands of the clock was not such a farcical notion, but I suppose there is no use lamenting in what could have been. We all learn from the past.

2006-05-13T16:00:00.000-06:00

I’m sure everyone has or will have the following type of experience. It’s always awkward when you see someone with a piece of spinach stuck in their teeth or if someone’s fly is open. Following this type of situation is two sub situations. Number one: The person whose fly is open or has the spinach stuck in his/her teeth is your friend. Of course, one naturally wants to help his or her friend, but sometimes, there situations can be awkward. If you tell your friend his/her fly is open, it’s not like you want your friend to think that you are looking at his or her crotch when you are talking to them or that you aren’t really paying attention to the conversation, but the spinach stuck between his/her teeth. Conversely, if you don’t tell your friend, he/she might get the wrong idea that you are purposely trying to sabotage his/her appearance. The second situation is if the fly opening or spinach in teeth is a stranger. When is it okay to tell someone you notice something wrong with his/her appearance? Being altruistic, I enjoy the satisfaction of helping others. However, when is it okay to tell someone that his/her fly is open? It’s embarrassing enough because zipping up your pants is almost like breathing and you don’t want people to think you enjoy staring at people’s crotches. Being a good Samaritan can be so difficult at times.

2006-05-07T13:15:00.000-06:00

Is it just me, or are you also tempted to do things that you're not allowed to do? The forbidden fruits of life are always so tempting and sometimes you just can't help yourself. For example, I know the ozone layer is rapidly depleting, faciliating the entrance of harmful UV rays into the atmosphere. As much as the media keeps telling me that I should resist from lying out in the sun without mounds of sunscreen, I can't help but desire that beautiful, bronze, lustrous tan. Like a Siren, the sun seems to beckon me to lie outside. Almost as if possessed, I find myself lying outside (not topless anymore since that last incident...) lavishing myself in the sun's deadly rays and thinking to myself, "What a farcical idea; me getting skin cancer, pshaw." Perhaps in 10 years when i look like a leather purse, I'll think back to today and how silly of a young girl i was. Until then, I'll enjoy my time baking in the sun and bask in my youth.

2006-05-03T16:47:00.000-06:00

I feel like kids being born in the late 1990s and early 2000s are being ripped off in the movie industry. I was fortunate enough to grow up in the era of Disney interpretations of Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, and Beauty and the Beast, all of which were high quality children's movies. However, recently, Disney hasn't been doing so hot. With movies like Brother Bear and Cinderella XI: The Saga of Cinderella's Grand-grand-grand Children, these poor children are not watching the same paramount films as those of my time were able to enjoy. These movies have completely lost all meaning and kids can't experience the same great movie-going experience as they deserve. And those poor parents! Having to sit through 90 minutes of sappy and corny scripts and pay $16+ for tickets. Those insipid Disney cartoonists with their vapid minds need to shape up Disney because it isn't really all that of a wonderful world anymore. I suppose I shouldn't castigate them too much...at least they can draw better than I can.

2006-04-22T11:33:00.000-06:00

Some people say that the hardest thing to earn is money. I highly disagree. The hardest thing to earn is trust. Trust is an essential element of life. One would go insane without having anyone else to have faith in. You can find money anywhere. Walk around the streets of a city and you'll find copious amounts of loose change. Sit on a street corner and hold up a sign with a desperate message written in crayon and someone will give you money. Trust, on the other hand, is not as easy. The homeless people on the street are given money by people that they don't even know, but out of the goodness of their hearts, they spare a few cents. In contrast, no one is going to just give you trust. Trust is something that you alone have to fortify. Screw up once and rebuilding that trust is never easy. You have to jump through fiery hoops and walk on glass to prove that you can be trusted. The hardest part about rebuilding trust is the sacrifices you have to make. Making decisions isn't always easy because there's always the path that you want and the path that is right. In the end though, the path to trust always prevails someway or another, however tempestuous the path may be. (PS, the picture is of the trust game. Trust me, you never want to play pictionary with me.)

2006-04-16T19:02:00.000-06:00

Everyone loves to skip a day of work or school. As a child, i used to remember wishing that i would fall ill with some kind of malady. However, when you do fall ill with a cold or something, it really sucks. You're stuck in the house and miserable with a runny nose (better catch it!) that's oozing multi-colored snot into tissue after tissue, making you feel unctious. Meanwhile, you're nose becomes rawer by the second and your nose is brighter than that of Rudolph. Heck, Santa would chose you over that animal any day. At the same time, you're coughing and hacking up gallons of phlegm and you sound worse than an avid smoker. That headache of yours pounds away incessantly no matter how many Tylenols you pop. You lose all sense of smell and it just happens that dinner is composed of your favorite foods. Then again, you're so dizzy and tired that it doesn't matter because you'll end up falling asleep at the dinner table anyway. When you wake up, your mother makes you swallow a huge spoonful of Robitusson or some other nasty cough syrup that claims to be cherry flavored, but in reality, you have never tasted a cherry that repulsive. Cherry flavored my ass. So, after considering the ramifications of being ill, I choose to keep myself in salubrious conditions. I hope you feel better soon, George.

2006-04-15T13:42:00.000-06:00

I dont understand the people who are rude to waiters. Think about it. The waiter is the one who serves you your food and has access to those preparing your food. Do you really want to screw around with them? After seeing movies like Fight Club, in which the cream of mushroom soup has a few extra creamy ingredients, wouldnt one learn that it is unwise to act boorish to restaurant personel? What right do people think they have to act superior to waiters? Waiters are simply doing their job like any other citizen has the right to do. The unrefined behavior of some people is absolutley appaling. Are people willing to risk having their food sabatoged when the situation could eaisly be remedied by controlling his/her tongue? Manners are the foundation of respect of one person to another and it is so unacceptable to see people behaving so uncivilized. I, for one, will not stand for such primative behavior.

2006-04-13T18:54:00.000-06:00

What could be better than the brownie? It's rapturous, chocolatey bliss is enough to make anyone's lugubrious day into an effulgent one. Semi-solid on the surface and chewy on the inside-a sweet tooth's gift from God. Nothing is in excess about the brownie and all things should be in moderation. Neither too solid like a cookie nor too soft like cake, the brownie is the perfect balance. The chocolatey taste is also in equilibrium, neither being too sweet nor too bitter. The brownie is the perfect food to just grab because of its compact nature. It's not crumbly like most baked goods, so it won't make leave a Hansel-and-Gretal trail of crumbs. Also, the brownie is not too greasy either, so it wont leave your hands feeling all slippery. Thus, the brownie is the perfect baked good and if you're in the mood, one can always add something special to the recipe.

2006-04-02T16:11:00.000-06:00

What's in a name? With all the college buzz this week, I've grown furstrated with the way some parents are acting, namely the Asian ones. Simply because their children were not accepted to Ivy Leagues, does that make the children any less valuable? All the pressure that is put on in getting accepted into an Ivy League school is absolutley ridiculous. Getting into an Ivy does not gauarantee you wealth. It does not gaurantee success. It does not gaurantee happiness. It does not gaurantee anything more than giving your parents something to boast about. If you don't do anything with that Ivy League education, then what's the point? 10 years after you graduate and you still don't have a job, who's going to care that you went to an Ivy? Clearly, you didnt get much out of it. It's not like someone in a non-Ivy League isn't going to have a future. I'm frustrated with the parents that aren't happy with their children for getting into a top 30 school because, God forbid, it's not an Ivy League. I find it ironic that they find it in their place to criticize their children when they lack a college education themselves. I'm not calling the parents stupid, but their notions of college are largely vicarious and do not mean chicken shit. Parents need to be put in their place because, quite honestly, they're getting a little out of control with this college business.

2006-03-22T19:45:00.000-06:00

Cake is, without a doubt, one of the best baked goods that God could have blessed us human beings with. Celebrations would be incomplete without some sort of cake set on the table waiting to be devoured by sweet toothes. The eclectic nature of cake is what makes the bakery good so appealing because there has to be a cake for everyone. Chocolate cake, vanilla cake, ice-cream cake, pound cake, and angel food cake. I find that the most interesting cake, however, is the carrot cake. Carrot cake is undoubtedly an extremley palatable form of cake, but did someone just wake up one day and say to him/herself, "hey, i think im going to put some carrots in my cake!"? Of all the possible food items to put into a cake-a vibrantly orange vegetable? That is the apex of creative thinking...the marriage of a vegetable and a cake.

2006-03-20T20:17:00.000-06:00

I dont think prisons really do what they are intended to do because an alarming percentage of criminals just end up there again and the really stupid ones go back for a third time. My suggestion? Make them string beans in prison rather than just dump them in a cell. Let me tell you, stringing beans is by far the most tedious task on Earth. No other job compares to stringing beans. Snow peas, sugar peas, red peas, blue peas, you name it. Pod after pod just stringing...stringing...stringing...and the worst part is, sometimes the string doesnt even come off all in one peel-that's when the job gets really dirty. When the string doesnt peel off all at once, you have to start digging your nails into the pod to get the rest of the string and rip and tear at it. The job of stringing beans is not as easy as one might imagine. It's also quite painful. Once you get past your 10th pea pod, the inside of your nails become sore and discolored with a tinge of green. Then you look at your thumbs and they're all raw from the rough surface of the tips of the beans and you develop callouses. Then the monotony of the task really gets to you...it's just bean after bean after bean after bean after bean after bean after bean. If you made criminals string beans for their sentence, trust me, they'd learn to be good and crime would, without a doubt, decrease in the world. Clearly, I should be elected President.

2006-03-10T19:51:00.000-06:00

If there is anyone i feel pity for, it's not for the homeless, the fat, or the ugly, but the trophy wife. These effervescent, pulchritudinous, youthful women dangle in the arms of their doctor/lawyer husbands and are the envy of all other working middle-class men. They compete with other trophy wives to be the top trophy wife of trophy wives. Their job is to look hot in a bikini and in a sports car, otherwise, they take time off from their laborious work and frugally spend money to luxurate themselves. After they spend a hard day at work, they might bathe and wallow themselves in copious amounts of diamonds and gold. This may sound like the perfect life, but this seemingly flawless lifestyle can easily be taken away. That one morning when that trophy wife wakes up with that one wrinkle on her forehead or that one horrible day she discovers the patch of grey hairs appearing in her once radiant and lustrious blonde hair is the day when she is kicked out of the door by her husband and easily replaced by a new trophy wife. Where is this ex-trophy wife to go now? Her so-called friends shun her because she has turned from high class to white trash. She has no job skills, she's used to having things done for her. Get an education? What's that? With nowhere to turn, the life of the former beauty queen takes a twisted turn and she ends up on the streets where she never imagined herself. Um, i just made myself really depressed.

2006-03-05T17:20:00.000-06:00

Is it possible to have water hypochondria? As i was browsing the aisle of beverages at the grocery store today, i was initially appalled at the price of a half liter bottle of water, but then i noticed soemthing even more appaling: the price of Fiji water. So yea, i've had Fiji water before, but for some reason, the price of a half liter of this particular "elite" water is significantly higher than all the other water bottles. I understand that Fiji water is from the Heavens of the islands of Fiji or what-not, but water is water. Two oxygen molecules sharing a weak, hydrogen bond with one oxygen molecule, creating what is known as H20. Naturally, water should just taste the same, shouldn't it? However, all over they tell you that Fiji water is different. Two years ago was the first time i had tasted Fiji water and i could have sworn that there was something about it that was indeed different from all other waters. In retrospect, did it really taste all that different? Or was i brainwashed and convinced by my peers and the media that Fiji water is the God of all waters? To this day, I still cannot say whether or not Fiji water really is different, or if it's a clever marketing scheme meant to give people water hypochondria.

2006-02-25T21:00:00.000-06:00

Public Bathrooms: I never really had an affinity for them. It's kind of like a game when you go to public bathrooms because you have to pick and choose the stall that you think is the safest. You dont want a stall that someone has failed to flush and there's little surprises left for you or go in one like the girls' bathroom at school, sprinkled with cigarette ashes (mmm! so appealing!) When you do pick your desired stall,you have to always remember the catch of the game: Check for toilet paper. There is absolutley nothing worse than doing your thing and, alas, discovering that there is a dearth of toilet paper in the dispenser. However, once you flush your toilet, the game is not over yet! There is still another dilemma you must face, if the situation arises. After you wash your hands, your natural instinct is to find the paper towel dispenser. However, 99.9475% of the time, there's no paper towels left, so you're left standing with dripping, wet hands. You have several choices: 1. Shake your hands vigorously in the air and look like a epileptic freak. 2. Wipe it on yourself and look like you peed in your pants after you really just peed. 3. If there's anyone next to you, wipe it on their shirt and if you do, make sure you say "thanks." I'm not sure this is really socially acceptable though. 4. Suck it up. Despite all these options, one thing remains clear: The world of the public bathroom is a perilous one.

2006-02-19T15:49:00.000-06:00

I've never really been a big fan of PDA, although some things are permissable, such as a quick peck goodbye or holding hands...things of that nature. Clean acts of affection are acceptable in public and personally, i dont have any problem with it. However, there is a point where a couple can cross the line. For example, i was innocently looking for pita bread at Trader Joe's, when my eyes set across the most vile and harrowing site. A ripe, old, couple, maybe both in their 50's or so, making out in front of the dried fruit section. How thoughtful. How romantic. How horrifying. I have never in my DAY seen such inappropriate behavior between two grown adults and their behavior was utterly unacceptable. I mean, it's bad enough seeing a young couple sharing tongue, but old people? THose are the kind of things you DON'T want to think about. So any kind of tongue, groping, or feeling around the chest area or below the waist is not tolerated in public, ESPECIALLY if you are over the age of 30.

2006-02-04T12:48:00.000-06:00

I feel like shopping at Costco is a sport. Everyone's fighting and sprinting their fastest for the shopping carts because there always seems to be a dearth of them on the weekends. Costco's best feature is that it distributes samples that are reasonable in portion. However, as wonderful as this feature is, there's always a downside. If you don't move quick enough or at the right time, then all the samples are usually taken and you have to wait for the food to be redistriubted. Although this may seem like a simple task, it is not. You cannot stand by the food cart because then you will appear like a selfish fatass, so you must stand far away so that you do not appear so. The problem with this is that once the food starts to be redistributed, other people closer take it first before you have time to reach it. Then the whole vicious cycle begins once again. Not only is Costco a physical sport, it's a mental one as well. When you get inside, you have to strategically dart around other people with your shopping cart and carefully calculate the angle at which you are going to position the cart,enabling you to move around easily. HOWEVER, it is imperative to ensure that no one is maimed during the move. The checkout lines are even worse because everyone has cartfuls of items, so it takes about an average of 7 minutes for each person to complete a check out. So then you must calculate the time for how long you must wait in line because your primary goal is to get out as fast and efficiently as possible. You must use your estimating abilities to hypothesize which line will move the quickest. Trust me, going to Costco every weekend is INTENSE. I mean, how do you think i got this hot bod?

2006-02-02T19:40:00.000-06:00

Grey is the worst color in the world. Even though it's not really a real color, per se, it's a bad tint. First, grey is such a depressing color. Things associated with grey are always considered dismal and lacrimose. For example, grey skies make lugubrious days and i always seem to feel a little less ebullient on those days and it takes a lot more energy to get motivated to wake up. However, the worst aspect of grey is that it is the sweatiest of the colors. Grey shirts boldy proudly soak up sweat like it's their job. Other colors never seem to appear as sweat drenched as grey. What is it about grey that makes it have such an affinty for sweat? grey sweat stains are the most noticeable and it's so unattractive when you're working out. Grey, what a sad color...

2006-01-22T15:19:00.000-06:00

Sundays and Tuesdays are the the worst days of the week. First, Sunday is the day where everyone prepares for the new week, therefore, people are to busy to do anything. Everyone's out grocery shopping and what not and always busy catching up on work. Plus, if you've partied hard on Saturday, you have to deal with that nasty hangover (not that i would know, but ya know...) Then there's that deep, dark, looming feeling that hangs over your head like a nebulous rain cloud because you have to go back to school/work on Monday. On Sundays, you just wake up tired, irritaed, and loopy anyway and the feeling stays with you the whole day because nothing changes on Sundays. They are the most static day of the week. Then there's depressing Tuesdays where the week has nearly just begun and it hasnt even reached the middle of the week, or hump day as some people call it, yet. And it feels as if there are still 23460436 days left to go until Friday, the day of freedom, comes along and rescues you. Tuesdays feel like they last even longer and i swear, they do last longer. A minute on a tuesday is the equivelent of like, 4 Earth days. Someone needs to come up with a new system. Fuck this days of the week thing. P.S, i hope you enjoyed my illustrations and if you dont, blame it on the fact that it's Sunday

2006-01-20T09:29:00.000-06:00

With midterms over, now there's that agonizing wait. It's not even a good wait. It's more of a "wow, i did so horrible on all of my exams and now i have to wait to get my F's back" kind of wait. It's horrible knowing that you totally screwed something up, and then have to get the results back to prove that you really did screw up...badly. These midterms are the bane of my life right now and even though they're over, i can't stop thinking about them-they're plauging my mind! Then you get to school on Monday and the teacher passes back the grades and they always give you that little look, the like, "wow, you're so dumb, i can't believe you even try" type of look. Then there's the yelling from the parents who tell you all night in different wording that you're a dumb bunny. I'm totally exasperated; midterms are such a bitch, bitch, bitch

2006-01-14T15:44:00.000-06:00

There are some really ugly animals out there. I mean really ugly. What's the purpose of having ugly animals on earth? They certainly dont make the world any more pulchritudinous. Do these animals have any idea how ugly they are when they look at their reflections in a pool of water or something? If i were this fat ass frog, I would be praying to be eaten just to be taken out of misery. So after this moving post, i have to get back to my more meaningful life...and study for midterms.

2006-01-13T19:54:00.000-06:00

Since my Christmas wish list was a bust (car, social life, cool parents, cable), i decided that since my birthday is coming up soon, January 17th to be exact, i'd ask my parents for more simple stuff.

1. Trust: As most people get older, they have more responsibilites and parents trust them more. In contrast, as I get older, i get treated younger and with less trust. My mom has taken my cell phone, TV, my computer...all the things that make us human!!! What does she honestly think i do? She seems to suspect me exponentially more each year. Honestly, why would you ever suspect this face?

2. 2400 on SATs: I feel like that every dinner table topic has something to do with SATs and how important they are and that if i don't do well on them that i'm going to burn in hell, but first i'm going to live in a cardboard box and wear a potato sack in the middle of a dirty road. I just want the 2400 damn it so my dad can stop giving me stupid math worksheets everyday for the rest of my life.

3. Dr. Liberman dead: For an old woman, she's way to healthy, what the hell?! It's people like her that should be struck by lightening. She is the bane of my high school career.

4. Cool Parents: Mayeb if i ask for it enough ,i'll actually get them.

I think this birthday looks promising!!! Especially when it;s the first day of midterms!! Hooray!

2006-01-07T23:23:00.000-06:00

Popcap games are probably the most addictive and unhealty games available. I have never been so hooked to these games like any other. I think Popcap just does an exceptionally good job of incoporating these like, therapeutic sounds and acid-trippy colors to their games. Take for example the game, Chuzzles. You just KNOW a gay person made that game, it's so rainbowy and shit. However, at the same time, it's such an addictive game due to the bright colors and the soothing sound of popping 3 chuzzles in a row. I play for sometimes hours at a time and i think i get relativley high scores in these games. However, when i see the top 10 results for these games, these scores are like, 30,000x's higher than mine. And i thought I had no life! How long must these people be playing for? 2 days straight? Do they ever blink? Eat? Drink? Bathroom? Sleep? Have a job? People like these really make me feel better about myself, that at least i sort of have a life because i dont spend my life on a computer playing Dynomite or something, racking up 50,000+ points per game. Clearly, these people must not shower. I'm so glad that I'm normal

2006-01-03T21:34:00.000-06:00

I find myself hooked to solitaire once again. Maybe it's because it reflects my usual life style (thanks to my nazi-esque mother). However, one can hardly suppress the thrill of winning a game of solitaire. Who can resist the excitment of those decks of cards bouncing around on the screen? I will never forget my first win at solitaire...the moment is immortal in my mind, a moment of success and gratitude. I remember the giddy glee i used to get whenever the inital layout of the game would include aces, that way, i could bring them up to the slots quicker. Not only could i get rid of a card, i would have the opportunity to flip over another. The most exciting part of solitaire is being able to flip over the cards that are turned over. It's like a surprise every time! I used to purposely leave the cards flipped so that i could have a mass flippage and be immesnely surprised at what was behind those cards. I would also make an incentive for myself to push myself to win at solitaire further more by rewarding myself the opportunit to change the layout of the deck. My personal favorite was the one with fishes. Somehow, it made the game more appealing by changing the deck once in a while...like another nice surprise. Yea, so i can't wait to go to college when i can finally get a life.

2006-01-02T16:28:00.000-06:00

There's something very wrong with the music industry. How is it that songs like "My Humps" and "Hollerback Girl" gain so much popularity? It certainly isnt the quality of the music, if any at all. Other songs like "Drop it Like It's Hot," which have absolutley no purpose or good rhythm, seem to top the charts...SOMEHOW. Are the producers deaf? How can they let shit like this go into public? Then there's just the BAD songs like Pussycat Dolls, "Stickwitu." First of all, they fail to spell it right and secondly, it;s a bad attempt to make a sentimental love song because it's just plain banal; there's absolutley no substance to it. It's people like that who are wasting space in Hollywood and our tax money! If you ask me, the music industry has gone B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

2006-01-02T11:19:00.000-06:00

While taking some lovely family photos for the past holiday season, i realized how much i don't belong in photos. I always knew i was unphotogenic (oh, wait until you see this year's yearbook picture), but i didnt know that i always ruined them too. I'm a freak of nature!

2005-12-30T16:40:00.000-06:00

While venturing around the Trumbull Mall on yesterday's lugubrious and very rainy day, my sister and i decided to take a snack break at Le Gourmet Chef. As we entered, we sampled a bit of a honey mustard thingy dip, which was quite good i might add. Then we moved on to a rasberry thingy dip and soon after, we found a chocolate dip. Although these were quite delectable, I feel like the best samples are always near the cash register. For example, in Godiva, there was a plate of chocolate covered strawberries. Conveniently, however, the tray was right next to the cashier and also facing the window so that passerbys could stare at your fatass. Another example, in Le Gourmet Chef, the best dips are located smack in the center of the store and right next to the cashier. That way, the cashiers can watch and judge you as you sample the many palatable dips and sauces they have to offer. Maybe they think that if if you can feel their burning glare as you grab another pretzel stick and dip it once again into some Jalapeno pepper sauce, you'll feel guilty and skulk away and stop mooching off of free food. But hey, because of the dearth of snacks in my house, im taking all the free samples i can get and no judgemental cashier can stop me. And you know what? I DOUBLE DIP TOO, BITCH.

2005-12-29T09:13:00.000-06:00

After ventilating with my sister and Jess about boys, the common issue that arose out of all 3 of us was the agony og waiting for phone calls from boys. If there's any Golden Rule in dating, this should be the one: Don't say you're going to call if you're not going to call. First of all, we girls put everything aside so that we can answer that phone call and have a decent conversation. We sacrfice our own time for the boy, just so that he doesnt have to go through the hassle of calling us and then not being able to talk. I feel like guys dont even remotley think about the fact that, as girls, we naturally wait for these phone calls and look forward to them. Yes, i'll admit it, back in the day before i had my cell phone callously ripped away from me, I used to periodically (um, ok, maybe obsessively) check for phone calls and i'm sure im not the only one who does it. It's not only infuriating, but insulting as well, well Boy doesnt call back. So unless you boys have a really good excuse (and trust me, there is none), do us girls all a favor because you owe it to us, follow the Golden Rule of dating-do NOT say you'll call if you're not.

2005-12-25T10:15:00.000-06:00

I love knowing vocabulary, especially words that sound dirty, but in fact, are quite the contrary. Take into consideration, the word "castigate." I think the initial reaction is pretty self-explanatory. An example of castigate: I enjoy castigating men, it puts me in a position of power." However, the verb, "to castigate" means "to punish." I enjoy the look on peoples' faces because you know that they have a dearth of the same sophistication of words in their vocabulary. Other words are those such as "masticate" and "gesticulate." So pop a couple of those words in your everyday speech, and you will feel the same glee as i do when you see the expression on the other person's face. Then you can say to yourself, "That's right, bitch. My magnitude of vocabulary is far superior to yours." It's great to be nerdy.

2005-12-20T16:21:00.000-06:00

As i was daydreaming in class on this splendid wintery day, my thoughts were broken by the cacophony of the hideous chime of some Christmas carol. I looked towards the door and i saw this woman wearing the most HIDEOUS holiday sweater ever. WHO honestly designs such ugly sweaters with a plethora of sequins and sparkles that if you look at it you'll be blinded for life? Oh, and what's up with the chime attached to the sweater that obnoxiously plays Christmas carols if you press the button? Why would you want a shirt that sings? (badly, too!) No one ever said that you couldn't be festive AND fashionable at the same time, so there's no excuse as to why some people think it's okay to pull off the ugly holiday sweaters. So please, do humanity a favor, stay fasionable during the holidays...or else Santa is going to fill your stocking with a hell of a lot more than just coal.

2005-12-18T17:21:00.000-06:00

One of the worst things to have to do is being forced to apologize. It feels so awkward and because it's forced out, it doenst sound genuine at all. And i hate apologizing for things that im not completley sorry for. What good does it do the other person to recieve a half-hearted and squeezed out apology that means nothing? I dont think it makes the other person feel any better that the only reason that they're getting an apology is out of force. I know that the last thing i want to hear is some stupid shit apology from someone who isnt on my good side anyway. I'm sorry that you have to hear me ramble all the time. Actually, no, i'm really not.

2005-12-09T11:22:00.000-06:00

Snow sucks. I think that the people who say that they like snow obviously are not the people who have to shovel snow in mind boggingly cold temperatures and blustery winds and worry about spending an entire day home with their psychopath parents. Shoveling snow SUCKS and ruins the fun out of snow. Your back hurts like hell afterwards and your socks get all wet and your toes are so frigid that if you take one more step, all your toes will pop right off. So for all of you who say that you love the snow, you can come shovel my driveway in the cold as i sleep toastily in my warm bed. Hooray for rain.

2005-12-03T16:52:00.000-06:00

Young children are messy. So contemplate this: You know when you go to the McDonald Playland and there's that huge like, cage with the colorful plastic balls in it? Think about how many kids end up in there and then multiply that by 400 trillion to get the amount of germs that are just thriving in that cage. These kids are wiping their snot all over their hands and putting their hands on the floor and everywhere, and then you place them in that cage and the germs just spread and spread. I dont fathom that McDonalds takes the time to clean each and everyone of those brightly colored plastic balls with disinfectant and before you know it, you're kid is ill with some grimey, nasty sickness. McDonalds...that worm factory of obesity!

2005-12-01T17:37:00.000-06:00

Holiday Wish List -this is what i want this Christmas from my parents.

1. Parents that are not so anal-So i like to think that I'm a good daughter. I think any non-asian family would embrace me in their arms in a SECOND. I do my chores, i get good grades, and i hold on to good morals. Yet, the funny thing is, my parents, specifically my mom, chastises me for doing normal people things, such as listening to the radio on a school night (god forbid!). There's only so much i can take and for maybe just the remainder of this junior year, i'd like to trade with some spoiled bitch for some liberal parents...like Lizzie McGuire's.

2. Car-I'm a really good driver and i deserve a car because of my exceptional ability to be behind the wheel. Not only do i deserve A car, i deserve a NICE car...say like a new BMW convertible or seomthing, you know, i'm not really asking for that much

3. Cable-yea, i kind of live before civilization really began. i see some dinosaurs outside my window.

4. Social Life-funny thing is, my mom thinks i go out too much. I'm not sure if most people consider once every 3-4 months a lot.

I really dont think it's too much to ask from my parents...but if they dont fulfill my list of demands, er..wishes, i'll go on a hunger strike.

2005-11-26T10:56:00.000-06:00

Arthur has always been a favorite cartoon of mine, right along with Spongebob Squarepants. However, while i was thinking about Arthur, i came to realize how much my life really does suck. Arthur and his friends are in the 4th grade, so they’re probably around 8 years old. Funny thing is, these 8 year olds have far more freedom than I do and I’m nearly 17 already. These kids are allowed to go around the town alone without any parental supervision and their parents don't even give them any shit about it. Yet, consider mine. You’d think that a normal parent would have a little faith in their almost 17 year old daughter going out (which is like, one time every 6 months). Wait, but then again, I said normal and my parents aren’t all that normal...so never mind. Nevertheless, I find it an injustice that these 8 year old animal cartoon characters exercise more power than I. By creating such free characters, Marc Brown is making oppressed teenagers like me feel like crap. I’m jealous of a cartoon character for god’s sake!

2005-11-24T12:54:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving is by far the best holiday of the entire year. The atmosphere of crisp autumn air and the hustle and bustle of family and friends getting together creates a feeling like no other. Needless to say, the Thanksgiving feast is the probably the best feature of the holiday. However, with the best things, you often have to pay a price. Staying in a house with a turkey roasting in the oven is the most torturous thing ever. You can smell the sickeningly delicious smell of the turkey fumes rising from the oven and filling up the kitchen. The smell just overwhelms your senses and suffocates you with a euphoric sensation. And each time you pass by the oven, you can see a heavenly glow being emitted from the glaze around the crevices of the oven door and then an all of the sudden, you hear an angelic chorus in the background. Then you glance at the clock to see how much longer it will be until the glorious moment when you can sink your teeth into a huge chunk of turkey and as you count the hours left, you feel the drool around your mouth forming. Right now, it's 2:07 PM...so i have an estimated 3 hours and 53 minutes left until the moment of supreme ecstasy. Happy Thanksgiving, kiddies!

2005-11-19T22:29:00.000-06:00

I keep hearing all over the media that America is growing as an obese nation. I'm so sick and tired of it, just get out an exercise damn it! One of the obvious reasons of this fat pandemic is laziness. Yesterday afternoon, i was in parking lot of the mall and let me tell you, getting a parking space there was nearly impossible. People were fighting, honking horns, making obscene gestures just so that they could get a parking spot close to the entrance and someone's car, as a result, got indented because of the torpor of American society these days. I might add that out of that car walked a whale of a woman. There's plenty of parking space in the back, yet everyone crowds in the front so that they dont have to expend as much energy walking to the door. However, i'd rahter walk an extra 300 ft than have to risk getting in a car accident AND pay higher car insurance. Does walking a few extra steps really make that much of a difference? So when you see a lonely BMW Z4 sitting in the darkest and farthest place of a parking lot, you'll know that car is mine

2005-11-16T17:48:00.000-06:00

The conclusion of an essay is the most tedious part of the assignment. After you've toiled away and exerted nearly all your effort creating a thriling and hooking intro and using whatever energy is left to write the supports, by the end of that 100,000th page, the last thing you want to do is write a stupid conclusion, becuase, afer all, the rest of your essay is so spectacular and the flow of wonderful-ism simply cannot be put to a halt by a crappy conclusion. The problem lies here: The conclusion is the part that the reader will remember the most clearly becuase it is the last thing that he/she reads. The conclusion can either make or break the essay. Who cares if you can write like Mark Twain or William Shakespeare? If you have a shitty conclusion, your entire essay goes down the tubes and all that hard work was vested for nothing. But by the end of that essay, you're so looking forward to finishing the goddamn paper that getting writer's block during the conclusion is detrimental. So instead of doing real work, i've broken down the main parts of the essay to waste time:
The Introduction: Paradoxically, the introduction of the essay is much easier of a task than the conclusion. In the intro, your task is to capture the reader's attention and present fresh new ideas, which is a bonus becuase you will not run the risk of sounding redundant. The best intros, at least to me, are short, sweet, and to the point, yet creative at the same time.
The Body Paragraphs: The body paragraphs are by FAR the easiest elements of the essay. Coming up with ideas for the body paragraphs might be a bitch at some points, but once you start writing one body paragraph, the natural tendency is to get into a cadence of writing and all of the sudden, words just come flowing out faster than you can think.
The conclusion: Writing conlucsions is not an easy task. Basically, the point of it is that you must reiterate your entire essay without sounding like you're editorialiizing and being redunant. You must find a way to present the issue once again in a novel and creative way. The essay must be far more catching than the introduction was, enabling the reader to leave the essay feeling confident about whatever issue you are presenting. Write a shitty conclusion and you're fucked because, again, it is the part that the reader will recall the most, so you damn well better have a good conclusion.

And yea, on that note, i'm not writing an effective conclusion to this entry, becuase i'm a lazy person.

2005-11-12T21:45:00.000-06:00

I'm not good with logic nor am i too skilled with puzzles. Put the two together and you have me stumped all together. I've never solved a rubix cube. I just get so frustrated with the thing after 5 minutes that i just give up. I remember one time being so piqued that i peeled off all the stickers and rearranged them to make it seem as if i had solved the puzzle, just to make myself feel good. Yea, i know, needless to say, I'm really awesome. I had a math teacher once who could solve the rubix cube in less than one minute, while I'm sitting here and i cant even solve one in one hour. People have even published books about the rubix cube. Maybe i should go out and buy one and learn instead of rearranging the stickers next time...but then again, i'm far more content sitting here and looking at collegeboard.com

2005-11-11T22:40:00.000-06:00

There is something so enchanting about Maroon 5. I don’t know what it is, but I never seem to tire of their album, Songs About Jane. Maroon 5 has facilitated me through so many rough times and they never fail to make me feel better and ease my mind. The songs on the album are so subtly sexy with the most therapeutic chords, not to mention that Adam Levine’s soothing and seductive voice just penetrates your soul and puts you at such ease. While listening to the album, I cant help but wish I could bang Adam on my front door so that all the neighbors could see. There’s nothing hotter than a guy who can seduce you with his voice. Thank God for Maroon 5. The world would be a sucky place without them.

2005-11-10T21:56:00.000-06:00

One of the things I love most about running is that it not only allows me to avoid talking to my mom, it gives me time to think in tranquility. Today, I was thinking about the best and worst jobs. I decided that the best job out there is to be a Victoria’s Secret Angel. How hard could the job be? You would just have to look sexy and wear lingerie on the job. What could be a sweeter deal? Aside from the fact that you would probably never be allowed to eat, it’s a pretty nice job to have. I’d take it. Heck, those Angels must have such sweet lives. I also established what would be the worst job to have and that is a fish gutter. Who wants to spend their life gutting fish? I suspect someone has to do it, but wow, what a sucky occupation. Could you imagine telling people that what you do for a living? I dissected a fish once in freshman year and oh. my. god. my hands smelled so damn awful afterwards. No matter how much I washed them or how much anti-bacterial I used, that fishy smell just seemed to stay on my hands for the entire day and let me tell you, fish guts don’t smell anything like roses. Therefore, these poor fish gutters must have it a billion times worse. Their hands must smell like rotting carcasses day after day after day of gutting fish after fish. So I guess the moral of the story is: stay in school, otherwise you might find yourself picking fish scales out of your hair.

2005-11-09T14:00:00.000-06:00

Like many people, I am thinking about the holiday season that will soon arrive and that means it's time to think about presents...or maybe im just a selfish bitch, but come on, who doesn't like recieving gifts? But i think in everyone's life (or maybe just my ill-fated one), there's that ONE person that consistently gives you crap for the holiday. Year after year, these people just NEVER seem to get that they give bad gifts, but it's not like you can write, "Hey, thanks for the shit present, dick face" in the Thank You card. So if you are one of these horrible people, consider this. Would you like to receive the following as a gift? (PS, all of the following gifts are ones that i have recieved in the past)

Pencil Box-It wasnt even a NICE pencil box. It was this stupid purple plastic thing and not only was it ugly, it was from the Dollar Store becuase these people absent mindedly left the sticker on.

Picture Frame-Tell me, what is the point of giving someone a picture frame with NO picture inside? I could see if you were going to give someone a sentimental picture with a nice picture frame around it, but a PLAIN picture frame? Made out of cheap wood that gives you splinters upon touching it? Thanks, but no thanks.

Deoderant-Ok, needless to say, this was one of the most insulting gifts i've ever gotten. Someone gave me a tote bag full of bath stuff that smelled like ass and was already opened. I was already insulted there, but what really pissed me off was the bright blue "Secret" deoderant can. Ok, i really dont think i smell that bad.

Half-eaten Poptart-This wasnt for like, the holidays or anything, but during track season, we have this thing called Secret Pyschers where we give each other bags filled with goodies like candy. The process is sort of like having a Secret Santa. Alright, i dont know about you, but when i give people stuff, i want to make sure that they love it and appreciate it becuase that makes me feel good too. Well, my Secret Pyscher, you know, decided to be really awesome and give me a half-eaten poptart. I ate the poptart anyway and had one of the best races of my life. but it was only becuase i was SEETHING becuase you just dont do that to people. I would have been happier if i had gotten nothing becuase getting a half-eaten poptart is like a slap in the face.
Bad Ornaments-this is a gift my sister got. For her birthday, she got this huge like, 500 pound marble egg. Contemplate...what are you supposed to do with a marble egg?

However, to make things clear, I'm not an ungrateful person, it's just that i enjoy good gifts like the rest of the human race. So before you go out and buy presents for your friends, ask yourself, "Would i appreciate this gift?" becuase if you say "no," then the person you're giving it to sure as hell wont like it either. Happy Holidays, folks

2005-11-08T18:46:00.000-06:00

They say that these adolsescent years are supposed to be the best of your life. Whoever came up with that one must had been eating lead paint off of the wall. To me, these are the worst years i've ever experienced. These years have been filled with almost nothing but pain and frustration. For a while, i thought i had everything worked out, but i recently discovered i was sorely mistaken and here i am again back in square 1, where nothing seems to make sense and i have nowhere and no one to turn to. I dont know what it is that i do wrong, yet somehow i find myself constantly being chastised by my parents. I'm counting down the days until i finally leave for college and the burden of living up to my parents' expectations will finally be alleviated.
Everything feels like a contest around here. All i hear about at the dinner table is who went to what Ivy League school and who got a 2400 on their SAT. I hate the parents that call mine just to tell us how their son/daughter are doing academically becuase i know i dont compare at all and as a result, my mom takes her frustration out on me becuase i'm not as good as these other kids. I hate being home. Home is supposed to be a place of security, love, and warmth, yet i dont feel any of that. How can that be right? How can I feel warm at home when i am punished for doing things that aren't even wrong, but are mere cultural differences between my mother and me. I feel like home is a constant battle with my mother and her strict and irrational ways; a battle that i can never win becuase of my status at home. People tell me to fend for myself, but they dont understand that when i do, it only brings me more trouble. The saying that "life is unfair," now that is an adage i can agree with.

Top 5 Unhappiest Places

2005-11-08T00:46:00.000-06:00

There are just some times where you'd much rather be eaten alive by rats than be forced to stay at some places. Therefore, i've spent my lovely evening home compiling a list of the top 5 worst and unhapiest places to be in.
5. Home Depot-i usually stand by the lumber becuase i like the smell...but even that gets a little boring after 3 kabrillion hours, waiting for my parents to agree on a color of paint. Plus, Home Depot doesnt seem to hire people that rate too high in the babe department.
4. Dentist-I think they enjoy watching me bleed and cringe. Those bastards.
3. Any furniture store-I'm not even allowed to sit in the chairs becuase my mom will get mad at me. And the people working there are always so unhappy. It's not my fault they ended up with a shit job. Maybe they should have studied in school.
2. DMV-Needless to say, the DMV could use some bright colored paint and some music or seomthing. They have got to find a way to be more efficient. I swear you wait for 4 hours in one line and they tell you to wait in another line for another 6 days, and then they tell you to go back to the line you were first at, where you wait for 2 more years.
1. Home with my mom alone-it's a scary place. I hide in my room doing homework and sleeping with one eye open just so that she doesnt catch me being lazy and then i run for 10 hours so i dont have to talk to her and give her the opportunity to yell at me. At the dinner table, it's lots of awkward silence and prayer that she doesnt find something to criticize me over. Then i leave the dinner table and mark an "x" on a calendar, counting down the days until my dad comes home. It's bad.